On Being Polite to Children

Today, a few old friends of mine were talking about this new approach to treating students in school. I am unclear as to what it is called but it involves trying to relate to students in an entirely new way: a way that had not occurred to local educators before. It involves many new policy rules and practices. One such practice is to have a representative of the school at the school gate every morning to greet the students as they come. When the bell goes off, they are supposed to usher the students in and close off the gates. If there are students smoking just outside the school, the teacher is supposed to tell them to put out their cigarettes and come to school. Yes, it is shocking to some old teachers but this is because the authority of the school stops at the gates and they have no authority to neither reprimand nor apprehend students breaking school rules outside the gates.  

Then there are rules as to what kinds of punishment are not allowed to be used in schools: the rules include both physical and psychological punishments.  I noted however that such wonderful punishments like electroshock treatment, stoning, impaling, short-drop hanging, nail pulling and burning at the stake are not on the forbidden list, I guess they can be used for disciplinary purposes in schools.  

I first heard of this new approach when I went to observe my students' teaching practical recently. Of course, there was much talk of how this new policy and practice is a joke, how it makes the students naik lemak, how it does not toughen up students, and a whole host of other things.  I admit that I initially agreed with the teachers and others who said the same thing.  Today, the issue was brought up by my old friends: these are my classmates at university who are mostly teachers. 

I, however, no longer share their sentiment and opinion of the matter. Just keep an open mind and follow me. 

I got to thinking about this issue when I heard some acquaintances of mine talk about it recently.  These were people whose worlds revolve around partisan politics: people who revere their political leaders like deities - without question, without doubt, without reason and rationality.  For them, everything that comes out of their political leaders, regardless of which orifice, is a treasure to be revered, adored and regarded as the light by which they guide their path through life, regardless of how illogical, immoral, unreasoning, cruel and whatever else it is.  Anyway, I digress. It struck me that these people have never actually spent much time, or any time, in school so how exactly do they know what they say they know? That got me to thinking about this new policy that they were condemning so vehemently, venomously, gleefully, enthusiastically and eloquently (eloquently by the standards of the language that predominate in the gutters or the roughest of slums).

Someone said that this idea came from Japan; it is how the Japanese children are taught to be polite. It is said to be the reason why the Japanese people are extremely polite – this itself is a debatable subject for another time. “The culture is not the same”, he said. Certainly, it is not, I thought, but the Japanese were not born with politeness imprinted in their DNA strands. It had to be taught and certainly, the school is where we do it.  Therefore, if we do not do this, how do we expect our culture to change into more polite culture?  Certainly today, anyone who has driven in KL traffic would agree that the notion that we Malaysians are polite and friendly people is a complete myth. Do we expect the lady drive past you while proudly holding her hand out her window with her middle finger held up to go home and teach her children that it is impolite to show your middle finger to others?
As I observe these people rant and rave, it occurred to me that these are the very same people who constantly bellyache about the government not treating the people as human beings. And yet, they have problems with treating schoolchildren like human beings. Where do they draw the line? To whom are we allowed to be polite and humane, and to whom are we allowed to behave as I we are talking to or dealing with rabid animals or lesser slimy creatures? Do we expect schoolchildren who grew up treated like filth to suddenly become considerate and polite working people?
Where indeed do we draw the line?

How are we to behave to children? At what age do we start treating them like intelligent people who are capable of behaving in a civil way without the threat of being impaled with a red-hot poker?
Where is the line of respect?
I wondered how we are taught to treat others by the Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) and what does Al Quran have to say about manners.  I found (see the links below) that the way we have treated our children both in school and out of it in the past and at present too sometimes differ drastically from the Islamic code of behaviour. (see http://www.muslim.org/islam/int-is7.htm and http://www.questionsaboutislam.com/faith-beliefs-practices/islam-teaches-manners.php)

I asked what did Jesus have to teach us about manners and I found that it is definitely not the way we have been often doing (see http://www.openbible.info/topics/how_to_treat_others ).

 What about Buddha, I asked and I found that he too prescribes a more humane guideline (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Rule ).

I also remembered Gandhi's idea that to break a cycle of hate, we need to start somewhere and the best place is with ourselves.

So, I guess, the people who came up with the idea were not as misguided as these people thought they were. Perhaps they had wisdom that others have yet to comprehend, let alone embrace. Perhaps they were wise indeed.  Then again, perhaps, this was a case of pure dumb luck.

Indeed this is a strange policy but being strange is not necessarily a bad thing. Have you heard of the ghuraba hadith? Have a read. Perhaps you may come to share my opinion of this matter (see:http://abdurrahman.org/sunnah/ghuraba-IbnTaimiyyah.html ).